Week 11 - Intimacy in Marriage

Wow! This week’s reading really made me think a lot! Brother Brent Barlow, in “They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy on Marriage” said something that I’ve always thought about. He said,

“…if they would frankly discuss the delicate and sanctifying aspects of harmonious sex life which are involved in marriage…much sorrow, heartbreak, and tragedy could be avoided.”

One thing that really frustrated me before I got married was how sex wasn’t talked about at all. Growing up, I was always taught that sex was bad, bad, bad. If you had sex, then you are sinning and you would have to repent. Obviously I knew that this was only if you had sex outside marriage, but no one ever talked about how sex is a beautiful and sacred thing inside a marriage, so when I got married that was the only mindset that I had.

I think that for a lot of LDS couples it is hard for them to embrace their sexuality because sex was always such a taboo subject growing up. I think that if parents were more open about it (you don’t have to be crude) then children would be educated and they wouldn’t have to go searching for that information somewhere else.

When I first got married, it was really hard for me to be intimate with my husband because I had this mindset that sex was a bad thing. I know that if we teach our children about sex and are open and honest with them, then they will feel more comfortable with it and they won’t have to go find answers somewhere else, i.e.: pornography.

Pornography destroys families. It is a false and evil view on what sex should be. To protect myself and my husband from the effects of pornography, we are very open about anything involving intimacy. We both heard a talk in church one day and they were talking about pornography and how the best way to keep your spouse from doing it is to just be upfront and honest and just ask they if they look at it. So, this is what we do. We ask each other every couple weeks when the last time we looked at it was. The answer is always that we haven’t looked at it, but I love that it keeps both of us accountable and we don’t have to worry about either of us slipping. We have also found that if we are honest with each other about things regarding intimacy then our marriage is a lot better. Sex in marriage is a great thing, and should be viewed as such.

Another thing that I feel like is hard for a lot of couples is using sex as an expression of love within your marriage. A lot of couples’ view sex as a way to procreate, which is a great use for it, however, sex and intimacy in a marriage is much more than that. Brother Barlow also said,

       

          

“While creating children is an integral and beautiful aspect of marital intimacy, to use it only for that purpose is to deny its great potential as an expression of love, commitment, and unity.”

I have heard so many times that if your marriage is struggling and you are constantly fighting, look at how your intimacy is. Brother Barlow said,

“…the inability of married couples to intimately relate to each other is one of the major causes of divorce.”

 If you are not intimate in your marriage, then your marriage is likely going to fail. I know, for me personally, intimacy makes me feel so much closer to my husband; we fight less, we argue less, and we are overall kinder to each other. When we engage in physical intimacy in our marriages then we will be happier and our marriages will flourish.