I feel like I learned a lot from Rick Miller and his address
on power in relationships in “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families”.
He mentioned a couple important things that I really liked. The first thing
that I really liked was that parents have to be united in their relationships.
This is so incredibly important. I know a lot of couples who are not united in
their leadership.
Do me a favor, and think back to when you were a kid. Was
there a certain parent that you would go to in order to get the answer that you
wanted? Was there a parent that you knew would always say, yes? Did you ever go
to that specific parent so that you could do whatever it was that you wanted? I
know for myself, I always knew which parent I needed to talk to for certain
things in order to get what I wanted. Because my parents were not always unified
in their leadership, their children (which included me) could take advantage of
them. I’m not proud of it, but it happened!
Miller said, “If parents disagree on parenting issues, they
should discuss the issues in an ‘executive session’ without the children
present.”
I think this is important because you don’t want your children to see
the “weaker” parent and know who they can manipulate to get what they want. If
there is an issue brought to you and your spouse’s attention, talk about it
together behind closed doors. I think a lot of parents think that if they
disagree about something then everything falls apart, when in reality it
happens to everyone. We just need to know how to proceed when we disagree about
anything. Talking behind closed doors about these issues will ensure that you
are on a united front and no matter who your child goes to, they will get the
same answer.
Another thing that Miller talked about was how each marriage
should be a partnership. When you get married you are partners, there is no
dictator. I have met a lot of couples where the relationship is not equal. I
think a lot of what makes a relationship equal, is trust. There are a lot of
things going around now days that causes distrust in couples. When we get
married, we need to give our spouse all the trust that we have. It can be hard
sometimes especially because it makes you vulnerable, but once you give
yourself to your partner like that, your relationship gets so much better.
I
want to challenge all parents to have those ‘executive sessions’ with your
spouse and make sure that you are always on a united front. The relationship
that you have with both your spouse and your children will improve.
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